为了提高
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons and details to support your opinion.
I agree that all students should be required to study art and music in high school. I’ve read that young children who study art and music in grade school do better other seemingly unrelated fields. But we should also study art and music for the sake of art and music. Additionally, we should study art and music to learn more about ourselves, our culture, and our world.
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本段是一个总分的结构。首先第一句话即点明了主旨,所有人在学校都应该学习艺术和音乐。后面对主旨进行了简要分析 |
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本段是文章的首段,引出要讨论的话题,并简要分析,得出作者的立场和文章主旨。 |
Both art and music help students express themselves. Wanting to express ourselves is natural. It gives us an outlet for our emotions. It shouldn’t matter if the end of result isn’t perfect. In the process, we learn what we like and dislike. Studying art and music means more than drawing or playing an instrument. Students usually go to art galleries and concerts as well. This allows students to be a participant and also an observer in a range of creative and social activities.
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本段是一个总分的结构。可以分为两个层次。首先第一句就是主旨句,即学习艺术和音乐帮助学生表达情感。下面第一个部分写了一些生活中的例子,来佐证本段分论点。第二个部分进一步来说,也就是和第一层次是递进关系,学生在表达情感的同时也积极地去参加了一些社会的活动,这更加使得他们受益了。 |
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本段是文章的第二段,也就是正文第一段,写了支持作者立场的第一个分论点。 |
Students may also learn about other cultures by looking at art and listening to music from other countries. When they do that, they ‘ll see similarities and differences with their own which may exist even outside the realm of art. Students can learn about the histories, personalities, politics and even economies of different societies this way.
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本段是一个总分总的结构。首先第一句话即点明了主旨,学生可以学习异域文化。后面对主旨进行了简要分析。最后一句更详细的阐述了分论点。 |
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本段是文章的第三段,也就是正文第二段,写了支持作者立场的第二个分论点。 |
By studying art and music in high school, students begin to understand themselves as well as their own culture and other culture. This is the most valuable pursuit for a student or indeed any human being.
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本段只有两句话,第一句话承接上文并重述了论点,第二句话对此进行了升华总结。 |
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本段是文章的尾段,承接上文,总结和重述论点,收束全文。 |
满分要素剖析:
一、语言表达
好的文章并不需要用华丽的词汇和及其复杂的句式,也不需要故意体现修辞能力。在这篇文章中,作者通篇并没有选择过于高深难懂的词汇,但他替换掉很多大众词汇,在保证语言质量的基础上,使得文章通顺、流利。
1. Additionally, we should study art and music to learn more about ourselves, our culture, and our world. 此句作者使用了连接词汇Additionally,使得文章脉络清晰,过渡自然。同时and连接了三个并列的名词,从自身到文化到世界,又起到了层次递进的关系。
2. When they do that, they ‘ll see similarities and differences with their own which may exist even outside the realm of art. 此句中,When引出的是一个原时间状语从句,位置很灵活,可以放在句首,亦可放在句尾。主句中又用到了which从句进行补充说明,在词汇选择上,the realm of art 用词准确地道,凸显了作者的语言功底。
二、逻辑结构
本文是一个正正的大正型支持结构,采用正面论述的手法,叙述非常饱满,作者分别从学习艺术和音乐的三点好处来切入,递进地展开全文,全文逻辑严谨,结构规矩。同时,文章段内层次展开充分,第二段中就分了两个小层次,运用了大量的连接词汇,这种逐层递进的段内论述方式使得文章内容展开充分而丰富。
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